Game 20: Aa Harimanada

I took 64 screenshots of this game. Hopefully that gives you an idea of how much I liked it. Also, I may or may not have stopped at 64 because the N64 is my favorite console. There's no telling.

Aa Harimanada is a game of little mystery - it's about sumo wrestling, plain and simple. In fact, the first thing I see when I start up the game is the image to the left, that of a very intense sumo wrestler who appears to have a unibrow instead of eyes. Which, yeah, that's cool. I was worried it was going to be a sumo wrestling simulator or something where I had to worry about eating the right meals and throwing puppies through flaming hoops or whatever sumos do to train. But no, that's not it at all. It's much less subtle. But we'll get to that.

First of all, though, this music is bumpin'. Whoever wrote this is a talented chiptuner, and I wish I could play them for you. Oh, wait, I can! I'll just download the GBS file from Zophar's Domain, convert them to WAV, convert the WAV to an OGG, reverse the polarities and recalibrate the electron ratio....



There we go, that's the title music up first, then the in-game music. See? I told you it was bumpin'. Like a bumper car in a pinball machine. ...is bumping even a word people use to describe things anymore? Is it natural for me to drop the g and add an apostrophe? AM I RELEVANT??

Game 19: A-Mazing Tater

I'm not an amazing writer. I use the passive voice too often, my metaphors are shoddy, my similes are confusing, my sentences are often too long with too many commas; can't use semicolons properly or form whole sentences. It's a shame.

But I can do what nobody else is willing to do: play a game about a block-pushing potato like it's 1991.

They should have sent a poet.

In any case, thanks again to the A-Mazing dash, we get another game that really should be closer to the middle of the list. That's okay! I'm glad I played this game now, because gosh I did not know what I was missing.

Let's be clear, though: I wasn't missing anything of importance.

My first impression of this game is that potatoes look a lot like eggs when the sprite is very small. I like the idea of dancing vegetables though, and I'm excited to find out just what kind of A-mazing A-dventures I'll be having as a potato.

Game 18: A-Force

Aaaaand we're back! I took a break so long that you could call it broken (such writing, much simile). As it turns out, 720 Degrees was the last game starting with a number, so now we're onto the first letter'd game! Yay!

And thanks to the magic of dashes, our first game in A is not Aardvark Quest or Aaaaaaapples, but the inspiringly named A-Force. According to the title of the ROM file, it's another Sachen beauty, who you'll remember from 2nd Space as a fine purveyor of unlicensed Nintendo software.

(Speaking of 2nd Space, I now think that game may have originally been written as a pornographic game. Usually, unlicensed games that involve slowly uncovering pictures aren't showing you architecture ifyouknowwhatImean)

Anyway, despite the ROM file saying Sachen, the title screen clearly states that Commin® made this game. Maybe this was just a clever trick to steer Nintendo off Sachen's tail, like a banana peel from a pirate kart.

Right.

Game 17: 720 Degrees

As you may know, I recently took an unscheduled break from No Batteries. Right before I did, I played this game and took a bunch of screenshots. Now, all I can remember is that I hate, hate, hate this game. I've been stuck on this entry for the better part of six months, as it relentlessly taunts me from its colorful, spinny throne.

Well, screw it. I'm not going to write anything, I'm just going to show you all the screenshots and perhaps make unintelligible comments.

And then we'll move on.

Detour #1: Guru Logi Champ

Let's take a break from our regularly scheduled program (Ha ha ha...*sigh*) for a bit of Game Boy Advance madness, shall we?

I asked my Tweetpeeps for their favorite underappreciated Game Boy Advance games, and got a bunch of weird answers (thanks everyone! You know I like weird answers). Among them was this gem, Guru Logi Champ, recommended by my good friend Jeremy Penner.

"So, what do we have here?" I hear you ask with oddly stilted phrasing. "Is this a Japan only game about duck people firing canons to make shapes of things and fight nazi ducks?" Good guess, actually - quite amazing. Wow. How did you do that?

So yes, apparently Aduck Quackler has decided to take over the world by upgrading old technology and adding spikes to it. He also flies in a bunch of weird duck folk to cause minor misery, like breaking a water fountain used by athletes, or stealing the key to the bathroom so nobody can pee. Well planned my friend. The world will be yours within the year.

Game #16: ZOOP! (Guest Post by Jessica Emsley)

Oh hi, I'm Clint's sister and I don't know how to video game, but I know how to take screenshots, so LET'S DO THIS THING.

I started this project about three weeks ago before getting distracted by the internet, but I'm finally back on the... wagon?... and now we're gonna finish it exactly how we started: Slightly inebriated and out of good TV.

I'm starting at the very end of the Z's, for symmetry!  For science!  For LOVE but no mostly just symmetry.  The name of the game is Zoop, an original Game Boy game.  Those are things I know!

It's either a puzzle game, or I'm wildly misinterpreting sensory input again.  But I’m pretty sure it's a puzzle game.

SO, you see above: An intro screen! Yeeaahhhhh! Check out that font, and all those dots! These things probably matter to someone?!

Game 15: 4 in 1 Funpak: Vol. II

This is it. This is the test of my will, the game that will either make or break me. It's the game that will either deny me my glory, or will raise me up to the level of Game Boy Master.

It's good to know that my ultimate test is coming early in the journey, at least. This post has taken weeks to write, but it's taken my whole life to prepare for it.

4-in-1 Funpak nearly destroyed me, but its sequel...it is a new kind of machine. A test in creating something from nothing, nay, creating something from less than nothing, a black hole of interest that sucks in joy and spits out deadly radiation.

Apparently it also makes me extremely melodramatic, as if I needed any help in that department.

Alright let's get this over with. I've got four choices this time, Solitaire, Dominoes, Cribbage and...Yacht? I've never even heard of Yacht, although a nautically themed card game could work for me. Arr, all aboard the yacht, ye cardlubbers.

Right, so let's try solitaire. I know the rules and at least if I lose, I'll know it was just the luck of the draw, not a super-intelligent computer edging in on my existence, unlike the terribly unfair and boring Chessputer from last time. I'm fairly certain that only about 25% of solitaire games are winnable anyway.