Game 37: Aguri Suzuki F-1 Super Driving

Well folks, here it is: the game I missed after Agro Soar. For some reason, it was not in the ROM set I've been using, and was only in the other ROM set I have on my computer. Why? Who knows???

But that's okay. Fast and loose is the name of the game around here, unlike Aguri Suzuki's deadly supersport. We have a lot of margin for error since, as far as I'm aware, blogs rarely go above 300 kilometers per hour.

Game 36: Akumajō Dorakyura: Dāku Naito Pureryūdo/Castlevania Legends

I know what you're thinking. "Why are you covering this game instead of Aguri Suzuki F-1 Super Driving which you clearly missed after Agro Soar?" And my answer is "ROM sets are weird, okay?"

Anyway, Castlevania. If you know me, you know my screen name is VastleCania...and yet.

I don't really like Castlevania all that much? Well, I like the ones that purists hate - Aria of Sorrow, Castlevania 64, etc. But old-school Castlevania makes me want to chew my own teeth out. 

I can recognize them as objects worthy of respect but they hit all the wrong buttons for me personally! I want to like them but I am just not very patient, and learning the exact buttons I need to hit to win is just not for me. That's why I was a bit hesitant to talk about this game.

Game 35: Akazukin Chacha

 

Remember how I was complaining about how the format of the blog makes it hard to write enough stuff to get past the image? Remember how I own this blog, and can do whatever I like, despite acting as if this format is somehow set in stone?

Anyway, the images are centered at the top now, suck it past me.

Right, so Akazukin Chacha. What is there to say about Akazukin Chacha that hasn't already been said? Considering that I can't find any-frickin-thing about this game in English, apparently a lot.

Game 34: Airforce Delta

 It's Konami! That's what I thought when I started this game. I like Konami games! Classics like Kid Dracula, City Bomber, and Whoo Yarth Taar, the gambling game explicitly for kids. Yes, Konami is a classic of gaming, and I'm sure they'll always be remembered as such.

These intros get harder every time, I'm not gonna lie. I really like to ensure that I get beneath the picture with the text, so I have to type quite a bit of introductory stuff. But y'know what?

This is a game where you fly a plane and shoot stuff.

And it's fine! I have some criticisms but I enjoyed my time with it somewhat. It's definitely not as interesting as "Australian puppet what looks like Jim Henson threw up during a bender."

I'm gonna be riding high on that one for a while.

Game 33: Agro Soar

 

Well, we're back in familiar territory here. I'm not talking about "skateboard games starring Australian puppets" or "licensed games that had 4 names depending on which region they were released in," despite how familiar those are. No, I simply mean "extremely bad games." Really, if there's anything I've learned about the Game Boy library over the years, it's that getting two good games in a row was more than just coincidence; it was a god damned miracle.

Luckily, there's at least some interesting things to talk about in this game that I didn't manage to get past level 1 in. I'm talking intrigue, I'm talking vegemite, I'm talking...

Is the text below the image now? Great, I can insert the Read More link.

Game 32: After Burst

 

Folks, we're on a roll. Two good games in a row? That's absolutely unheard of around these parts! 

By the way, on the matter of screenshots, please forgive me as I continue fussing with my format. The screenshot on the left has black bars on top and bottom - that's because I'm playing it on a 240x240 screen that can only take full screenshots. Since the Gameboy resolution is not quite square...we get black bars. Unfortunately, I also captured some of these stretched, so there aren't always black bars. My bad.

By the way, do you wanna see the device I'm talking about? It's the little one in this picture. It's called the FunKey S and it's an extremely stupid, yet amazing, thing that I bought about 3 months ago but only received 3 days ago. Due to it's microscopic size I would guess that it's totally unusable for about 60% of the population, but I (and my tiny hands) love the damn thing. It's just so cute!!!

Anyway, the screenshots aren't perfect but I can't resist playing these tiny games on this tiny screen. It feels very fitting.

After Burst is not exactly a tiny game, but it does rule. It's an odd thing to try and describe accurately. Half puzzle game, half artillery game, half platformer, half action game? That seems about right, yeah.

Game 31: Aero Star

 

You might have noticed that the screenshots look a little bit different than before. Instead of perfect, sharp pixels...they're a little fuzzy. This is because I am increasingly lazy as I age.

Formerly, I would capture the screenshots at their native resolution: 160x144. This is the resolution of the game boy, and is just a bit too small for a modern device. Think "postage stamp on a mattress" and you'll get the idea.

Then, I would take all of these screenshots and apply an IrfanView macro to them that tripled their size but kept them pixel perfect. These 480x432 pictures were perfect for the blog theme I'm using, which is honestly outdated and quite narrow. But they worked.

Now, the first thing is still true - I capture them at native resolution. But now I don't give a shit and just upload them straight to Blogger, and set the size to "Medium". This resizes them using the browser, which does not maintain pixel perfect resolution. Instead, they get antialiased a little bit, because that's how most people would prefer to see pictures. But you know what? I could resize these pictures and post once every 3 years, or I can just upload them right to Blogger and post more regularly. 

I choose the latter. They say that "perfect" is the enemy of "good", but "good" is also the enemy of "just doing the god-damned thing" and I'm shooting for that.

Anyway, Aero Star absolutely rules. It's hard as hell, but it just freakin rocks. 

Aero Star is a shmup of sorts - you have a little ship/car thing, and you shoot bullets towards the top of the screen to blow up bad guys of some description. Neat! Not special.

Game 30: The Adventures of the Smurfs

Did you know that as people age, they shrink? That's why my theory about Smurfs is that they're all extremely old people who read some dubious things about silver curing their illnesses. Hence their inability or unwillingness to remember words, replacing them with "smurf," the fact that they are all genderless (we all know gender dies with age) except for Smurfette (who is literally a construct and not a real Smurf), their terribly-out-of-date fashion, and their endless capacity for unfunny jokes. 

This is not a dig on Smurfs or old people - all of the above is good! I just think it's true.

What, you thought I was going to address a 5 year absence in the opening paragraph? Of course not, you know me.

Well, you probably don't know me all that well if you haven't heard from me at all in 5 years, but hey, that's on me. Suffice to say that I now live in the frigid north of the US, my politics are extremely radical (and tubular), and video games turned me gay. Sort of.

This is not the game that turned me gay though, nor is it my favorite Smurfs game on the Game Boy Color, nor is it much of anything at all! It is, in fact, a collection of minigames tied together by (horror of horrors) a top-down platformer.

Game 29: The Adventures of Star Saver

I'm sick of adventures. Can't I just stay home with a nice cup of tea, a terrible show on the television, and a snuggy? Apparently not. As far as I can tell, there are an infinite amount of games starting with "Adventure." It's endless.

Anyway, here are the Adventures of Star Saver, one of the least fun games I've ever played for this damned project. It's just so...ugh.

But we'll get to that, I suppose.

The Adventures of Star Saver was published (and developed?) in 1992 by Taito, known for such arcade hits as Space Invaders and Violence Fight. A company called "A Wave" was also involved, which is nearly impossible to google thanks to there being many articles with sentences like "a wave of destruction" or "a wave of delicious burning molasses." I guess they made a wrestling game called Astral Bout for the Super Famicom and I'm not sure I could care any less.

Game 28: The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle

I like Rocky and Bullwinkle. I really do. I have fond memories of it growing up, it was the sort of cartoon that a 10 year old could get behind. Bad puns, funny accents, talking animals, rabbits being pulled out of hats. It was pretty alright!

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, however, is another story.

Let's examine the title screen first. Bullwinkle (he's the moose) is buried halfway into the ground. Rocky is...shorter than I remember.

Also, there's a bee just floating around aimlessly. What does this have to do with anything? Does its random walk give us any information about the game at hand? Or is it just a warning to not lead an aimless life, to find something truly worth pursuing and use all of our energy to grasp at it?

And Bullwinkle looks so tired. He's so tired, and he's seen something that haunts him. Look at his eyes. Bullwinkle is ready to get on with the game because, if nothing else, it will distract him from the terrors of reality.

Bullwinkle has some messed up nightmares is what I'm saying.

Game 27: The Adventures of Pinocchio

Another exciting adventure awaits us here at No Batteries. Pinocchio, the very difficult to spell hero of such classics as "Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night" and "Pinocchio's Revenge," is a favorite for companies trying to cash in on a Disney classic without actually paying for the license. I'm all for this sort of appropriation, but it doesn't typically bode well for the quality of the actual product. Semi-underhanded attempts at cashing in on more famous media aren't usually known for their quality.

So I didn't have high hopes when I booted this game up, especially considering the wide array of mismatching fonts on the title screen.

But in a way, we've stumbled across a lost treasure of the Game Boy. The game itself is awful, but the story behind the game is very interesting.

Which is why we're saving it for last. Foreshadowing and all that.

Game 26: Adventures of Lolo

Look at that avant-garde title screen, my friend. Those blues and pinks and weird modern design. Like so many title screens, it is not at all representative of the actual game, Adventures of Lolo, AKA Lolo, AKA That Game With The Little Blue Fella Who Was Also In Kirby A Bunch Of Times.

But it is a beautiful title screen, no?

I really can't get over this amazing cubist interpretation of Lolo. The blues and pinks especially - the whole thing is really quite beautiful. I really could just stop writing now so we could all stare at the Lolo title screen forever and ever. But, you know me, I'll be pressing on until this horse is as dead as they come.

Adventures of Lolo was a game released on the NES in 1989 by HAL Laboratories, better known for creating Kirby. As alluded to above, Lolo (and his compatriot in arms, Lala) are better known for cameo-ing in many Kirby games as bosses, usually renamed to Lololo and Lalala.

(I actually think Lololo and Lalala are Lolo and Lala's children, and they couldn't come up with names so they just threw an extra L syllable on there, but to explain the detailed connection between the Lolo and Kirby universes I'd have to draw you a diagram and nobody has time for that.)

Game 25: Adventure Island II

I did a quick calculation before writing this, and if I keep up this pace, it will take me approximately 201 years to play and write about every game released for the Game Boy. I just thought you'd be interested in knowing this.

Look, it's Adventure Island 2! Who would have thought that the game that everyone knew had a sequel would be next? Who could have fathomed this??

So here we are again on Adventure Island, and judging from the title screen it's quite a small island. It makes me wonder how many adventures one could even have on an island of such stature. I mean, sure, getting abducted by aliens, but that's pretty routine.

As you can tell from the GIF above, the story to Adventure Island 2 is the classic three act structure that's used in most modern media. In Act I, our hero loses his best friend to aliens. That's the conflict. In Act II, he struggles, running back on forth on the tiny adventure island. That's the lowest moment. In Act III, he finds solace in a passing Loch Ness monster, and rides off into the distance. That's the resolution.

Alright, I think we're done here! Don't have to worry about playing this game at all, no-sir-ee, this is all wrapped up in a little bow. Yep. Just going to turn it off n-

Game 24: Adventure Island

Adventure Island has a long and storied history, and is almost as synonymous with the name Hudson as Bomberman is.

I have no idea about any of that, of course. This is the first time I've played an Adventure Island game, although a source tells me that this won't be the last one I play.

To be clear, there's a sequel on the Game Boy, and my source is named Looking At A List Of Files.

In any case, I think that it's important that we look at Adventure Island as a historic game before we just jump in to me saying "oh look I played a game, blah blah blah"

Actually let's skip all that. I'm just going to tell you why this game is super, super weird.

Game 23: The Addams Family - Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt

I know what you're thinking. And really, I'm very embarrassed for you.

Anyway, here's another Addams Family game.

I'm not going to tell you that this game is terrible (even though it is), because that sort of negativity never does anyone good, plus we've already covered this ground, haven't we?

Instead, I'm going to tell you why this game is a masterful work of horror.

Of course, I'll be ignoring many things to get to this point, such as intentionality, quality, and most of the game itself. But it will all be worth it, trust me.

But first, some research. Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt is the sequel to the previous Addam's Family game developed by Ocean. It was released simultaneously for the NES, SNES, and Game Boy, back when Nintendo basically owned everything. The NES and SNES versions of this game were also developed by Ocean and were meant to be a more linear, kid-friendly version of the first Addam's Family game.

The Game Boy version was not made by Ocean, but was instead ported by Enigma Variations. As far as I can tell, Enigma Variations' history involves porting a bunch of stuff and then going bankrupt.

Enigma Variations clearly saw the colorful, sensible versions of the game and said "Hey, how about instead of a straight port we turn the game into a non-Euclidian descent into madness?"

Game 22: The Addams Family

The Addams Family is one of my favorite movies, and even the TV show has a special place in my heart. It's all about a purposefully weird set of characters who nonetheless form a functional and supportive family.

In fact, I just rewatched the 1991 movie this Halloween, and it's great. The basic message of "be different!" is just as charming as it was 23 years ago. I also saw a hell of a lot of innuendo between Morticia and Gomez that I never noticed as a kid.

Good god, that clip.

Anyway, if the Addams Family value is "be yourself despite others", then this game certainly lives up to the Addams Family legacy. However, this game adds on a few values of its own, namely "make everyone hate you" and "be really terrible."

But first, the story:

Game 21: Action Man: The Search for Base X

Oh, where to begin, where to begin?

Well, I guess I should begin with a big HELLO to everyone who is reading this after an unknown period of time without new entries.

I say unknown because I dare not check.

Okay, now that we have that over with, let's just state the obvious here: this title screen is god awful. I mean, the only impression a reasonable person could have is that a giant with awful facial hair had mangled the body of a poor hapless skateboarder. All while a chunk of Tiberium sits idly in the corner, irradiating all who would dare linger.

I guess the corpsified knee-pad fellow there is Action Man (TM) considering how pious he looks despite his awkward neck position. That Udo Kier lookalike must be the villain of the story because, c'mon, those eyebrows combined with the goatee? Obvious chicanery going on here.

Alright well let's get started. I gotta say this music is pretty good - nice use of, uh, chiptunes and whatnot.

Game 20: Aa Harimanada

I took 64 screenshots of this game. Hopefully that gives you an idea of how much I liked it. Also, I may or may not have stopped at 64 because the N64 is my favorite console. There's no telling.

Aa Harimanada is a game of little mystery - it's about sumo wrestling, plain and simple. In fact, the first thing I see when I start up the game is the image to the left, that of a very intense sumo wrestler who appears to have a unibrow instead of eyes. Which, yeah, that's cool. I was worried it was going to be a sumo wrestling simulator or something where I had to worry about eating the right meals and throwing puppies through flaming hoops or whatever sumos do to train. But no, that's not it at all. It's much less subtle. But we'll get to that.

First of all, though, this music is bumpin'. Whoever wrote this is a talented chiptuner, and I wish I could play them for you. Oh, wait, I can! I'll just download the GBS file from Zophar's Domain, convert them to WAV, convert the WAV to an OGG, reverse the polarities and recalibrate the electron ratio....



There we go, that's the title music up first, then the in-game music. See? I told you it was bumpin'. Like a bumper car in a pinball machine. ...is bumping even a word people use to describe things anymore? Is it natural for me to drop the g and add an apostrophe? AM I RELEVANT??

Game 19: A-Mazing Tater

I'm not an amazing writer. I use the passive voice too often, my metaphors are shoddy, my similes are confusing, my sentences are often too long with too many commas; can't use semicolons properly or form whole sentences. It's a shame.

But I can do what nobody else is willing to do: play a game about a block-pushing potato like it's 1991.

They should have sent a poet.

In any case, thanks again to the A-Mazing dash, we get another game that really should be closer to the middle of the list. That's okay! I'm glad I played this game now, because gosh I did not know what I was missing.

Let's be clear, though: I wasn't missing anything of importance.

My first impression of this game is that potatoes look a lot like eggs when the sprite is very small. I like the idea of dancing vegetables though, and I'm excited to find out just what kind of A-mazing A-dventures I'll be having as a potato.

Game 18: A-Force

Aaaaand we're back! I took a break so long that you could call it broken (such writing, much simile). As it turns out, 720 Degrees was the last game starting with a number, so now we're onto the first letter'd game! Yay!

And thanks to the magic of dashes, our first game in A is not Aardvark Quest or Aaaaaaapples, but the inspiringly named A-Force. According to the title of the ROM file, it's another Sachen beauty, who you'll remember from 2nd Space as a fine purveyor of unlicensed Nintendo software.

(Speaking of 2nd Space, I now think that game may have originally been written as a pornographic game. Usually, unlicensed games that involve slowly uncovering pictures aren't showing you architecture ifyouknowwhatImean)

Anyway, despite the ROM file saying Sachen, the title screen clearly states that Commin® made this game. Maybe this was just a clever trick to steer Nintendo off Sachen's tail, like a banana peel from a pirate kart.

Right.